Afraid to get started
I have this strange habit of buying games I'm afraid to play.
That is to say, I really like the idea of a game, I'll buy it, then get quickly overwhelmed by everything you can do, and then one of two things happen.
- I completely stop playing because, well, I don't know what to do
- I constantly start and restart because I'm afraid to make mistakes
Like, today I bought the updated version of →Wall Street Raider, a game, previous versions I've had on my hard drive for years, but have maybe only played once or twice because as soon as I fire it up I am overwhelmed by the options available, the pure sandbox, open-world, endless possibilities. As I write this I have it open on another screen, with the guide open on another and on my phone some guy doing a "Getting Started" video.
And I am lost.
I watched a few other Play-thru videos and there's people clicking things, making loads of money, buying, selling, and by the time the first in-game month rolls around they're, like RICH!!!1!, and I'm still stuck on my first $100m (or probably more accurately $90m because I bought oil futures for ... reasons ... and then they tanked) afraid to do anything in case I make a mistake, or do something daft. Like, I know it's a game and there are no real-world consequences but something prevents me from diving in and making a real go of it.
Other examples from my hard drive that never get beyond a few dozen hours played (often while staring at the screen wondering what to do, or what's going on ..)
- Victoria 3
- Hearts of Iron IV
- Europa Universalis V (and IV and III)
- Crusader Kings 3 (and 2)
- a whole raft of Total War games
What is it that has me like this? Fear of failure? Or ridicule? I'm sure it's something from my past, the inability to deal with making mistakes?
Perfectionism?
I think it might be that last one. It has to be perfect, because if it's not then I'll disappoint people, or, more significantly, I'll disappoint myself. And I can't have that.
I really must address this, because I have to stop spunking my hard-earned lolly on games that I'll play once and then never again. It's a waste of money, it's a waste of time. Do you have this? Do you know where I'm coming from?
Oh, shit. My oil futures just tanked again.
[CTRL][F] - New Game ...
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