Overwhelmed
I feel overwhelmed very quickly.
Most of the time I don’t have a lot to do, or to look forward too. There’s work, obviously, but other than that my agenda is mostly empty. But every now and then, like waiting for a bus that seemingly never comes, there’s suddenly a load of things at once, and I find it really hard to deal with.
And it’s not even a particularly full day either. Today, I had, or have, four appointments. That doesn’t sound like a lot but it’s a 400% increase for me.
The day started at 0830 with a visit to the garage and a regular service for the car. Then work, then I had to pick up the car again at 1700. At 1830 the builder came around the house to talk about the work in the garden and to finish off the day, at 2000 I have tennis.
Like I said, not a lot, when you think about it, but to me it’s an incredibly busy disruptive day. And it caused me a lot of stress.
I mentioned before that I suffer from dysthymia which doesn’t help but it’s probably a factor, but I think the thing that made it worse was the lockdown during COVID, and the years spent working from home, slowly getting institutionalised. My job also doesn’t require me to come to the office (my team are based in Germany, so …) and my days are not exactly full either. So most of the time I get to do what I want without interruptions, like meetings.
Working from home, and living in a house where people are gone for most of the day means I spend most of my time alone. I have become accustomed to having the time and place to myself. I’m left alone, and, secretly, I quite like that.
So when interruptions do come to my routine, to break the roaring silence, they impact like a dropping a bowling ball in a bowl of jelly. I get very stresses about it, to the point of wanting to cancel. I never do. Well, that’s a lie, I sometimes do but not often. I get stressed, because I am not used to sharing my time. I’ve become jealous of myself.
Funny thing is, writing this after the tennis (which was great fun), I do enjoy most of the activities that come across the calendar. Once I’ve pushed myself to get in the car, or to pick up the phone to talk to the builder, to go to the tennis and so on, I’m fine. I’m proud of myself for having achieved these little victories, these raids outside my front door and the world beyond.
It’s the thought of it, all those incursions on my time that overwhelms me. I really need to work on that.
Here are some pictures I found today while trawling through my archive in Lightroom. I am a big fan of new topographics style of photography. The New Topographics was a photography movement that emerged in 1970s America, defined by a cool, detached approach to documenting the ordinary and often unglamorous landscapes shaped by human intervention — think suburban sprawl, industrial estates, and car parks rendered with the same quiet neutrality one might bring to a geological survey. Rather than celebrating the grandeur of the natural world in the tradition of Ansel Adams, these photographers turned their lens on the mundane and the man-made, finding a strange poetry in the banal. Ijmuijdem is a town not far from where I live. A fishing port, at the weekends the place is practically deserted and the harbour area is full of these old warehouses, docks, and other assorted industralia where I go every now and then to practice my new topography.
I have a few more images over at my main gallery, Ink Polaroids but wanted to share these ones here, partially to show off (only joking) but also to try out the excellent gallery tool from Robert Brimings site.
Music I Heard Today
- Old Blind Dogs - “New Tricks” (1992). Bit of a nostalgia trip, this one. OBD where, are, they’re still going, a Scottish folk band from Aberdeen. The Bonnie Lass O'Fyvie is the standout track on an album with lots of standout tracks, but be sure to give this one a listen.
Anyway, that's it for today. Time you got going, your dinner will be getting cold.